Merry Christmas - Abroad and Alone
Currently I am sitting in the middle of Starbucks. It’s packed in here but the internet at my crib was acting up so I decided to come here instead. Sitting smack dab in the middle of Starbucks right now has my anxiety level on 1000. But I shall push through in order to accomplish a few things tonight.
The last 24 hours have not been the best, especially for this time of year. I’ve been trying to bounce back all day but it’s been tough, to say the least. It feels like nothing will go right at the moment. And why is that? I wish I had the answer. Most of these things are out of my control, but the 1 thing I can control (or I am at least trying to) is my attitude.
Christmas morning started off pretty energetically. I snapped my entire first 5 hours for the most part haha. When I initially woke up I read my bible and devotional. Every day I am thankful and appreciative, but I made sure to really take some time and talk with God and express some things on Christmas day. It was only about 8am when I got up, and there were no gifts to open, no one else to run around the house with waking others up, so I did the next best thing. I began blasting Christmas music around the house! My teammate wasn’t home so I was free to be rambunctious without disturbing anyone else.
I decided that a gift to myself would be to SUPER CLEAN the house. Y’all don’t understand how much joy this brought me. This season I share an apartment but when I have a place to myself I usually do a big clean every 2-3 weeks or so. It’s therapeutic for me. My teammate has a dog along with putting her stuff here and there, and out of respect I don’t like touching other people’s things so I leave it alone. But her and her dog were gone, and it would be quite some time before they came home so I got to scrub down the joint!
I was on a mission immediately, leaving the house right as the stores were open so I could look for a broom. Yes, the stores were open. I went to 3 of them trying to find a broom. I didn’t know that it would be so hard to try and find such a household item.
Anyways, after hitting 3 stores I came home with some cleaning supplies, a few groceries, and a broom…. NO DUST PAN!!!! But it wasn’t for lack of trying, none of the stores had one. Once I was back in the house, I turned on some classic holiday songs and got right to work. For those of you that have no idea what a “SUPER CLEAN” is, allow me to tell you. This involves mopping and sweeping all throughout the house. This also involves getting behind things, like the washing machine, oven, refrigerator, and toilet. Don’t you enjoy the smell of pine or bleach throughout your home? I also lit some candles, but I keep those for myself in my area. I wish I had some of the candles I recently ordered from KHaim Co. because the one I brought with me is running low.
It took me about 3 hours or so to fulfill this task, but once I was done I felt so accomplished, and also very happy about the gift I gave myself haha. I was so into cleaning that I didn’t even eat breakfast. Part of that was because I cleaned the kitchen first and did not want to mess anything up. Eventually I did make a little something to eat since I would be having practice a bit later. At one point I thought I would have a big breakfast or something, but it wouldn’t have been the same so I kept things simple and had some fried rice. It wasn’t long after I was done eating that it was time to head to practice.
After the previous 2 days of practice I had been looking forward to it. This week was different. We had been doing some different things and competing on a different level, thought we were turning a corner. It’s been a long, draining, season so far. Every week I try and hold conversations about what we can do to get better, to be better. This week my coach had allowed me to do a few things in practice with the squad and things were looking up. However, practice on Christmas day was a disappointment. Some people didn’t make it to practice so our numbers were down, and then it was 2 starters so our level of competition was down as well. We were originally suppose to scrimmage, but when we started that didn’t look like a possibility, so then we started doing some silly things instead of working on things needed for the upcoming match up. About 45min to an hour into “practice” some guys were in the gym and it seemed like my coach just asked them if they wanted to play. Then we had to give them time to change and warm up.
Long story short, we don’t feel like we got anything out of that, especially when we had 2 great days before, and we have a game coming up. We did scrimmage and it wasn’t pretty, there was no structure and people were just throwing the ball away. I had to take a seat to save myself. I thought today would be better, but it wasn’t. I’ll try and have hope for tomorrow though.
Anyways, after practice ended, I tried to stay in the spirit of things. I had brought some treats for my teammates, they enjoyed them. I was happy to finally see some smiles.
Now that practice was over I was trying to get home as fast as possible. Our ride was about 30 min late, and I was communicating back and forth with my family about when I would be home so we could Facetime while they opened gifts.
Finally, an hour and 15 min after practice ended I was able to walk in my house. I began prepping my laptop and Ipad so I would be able to see everything, and I also was prepping the food I would be cooking for dinner.
But when I called home, after texting back and forth several times saying “I’m almost home”…. They had already opened up gifts. Hard to describe my level of disappointment. That may have been the 1 thing I was looking forward to the most. After my mom told me that, I really didn’t feel like being on the phone any more to be honest. And maybe I am being a bit more vulnerable here than I usually am, but it is what it is.
But I think what bothered me most was my mother down playing my feelings about it. Like I have no reason to feel any way about it. And I didn’t make a big deal out of it on the phone, she had already shot me down about my feelings when I mentioned them waiting. But that is part of being away, people not understanding the magnitude of the “little things.” The things that keep us sane when we are away. The things we hang on to in order to get through our hard times while away.
So many people have this crazy misconception about playing overseas, I’ve heard so many things. But unless you are in it, you really have no clue whatsoever. But anyways, during our conversation the Facetime call kept cutting out. At first I thought it may be them on their end, but I soon found out that the internet in the apartment was acting up (and it still is now 24hrs later). So the rest of the evening was difficult with no connection. Couldn’t make any more calls without the connection cutting out within 2 min. Wasn’t able to speak to people through social media and see Christmas videos and pictures because things wouldn’t load. Ugh… I was just so… disappointed. Finally I just went to sleep in hopes that the next morning would be better or different. But it was Christmas… not just another day, not just any day. On top of that I keep trying to track down a package that was sent my way. It’s been 3 days now since I’ve received an update. Maybe I’ll get one tomorrow and things will be all good.
And here I am today, still trying to bounce back. Today wasn’t much better, however I can’t allow for another 24hrs of a pity party. Tomorrow will be better, speaking it into existence.
“Things don’t always work out the way we hope. You just have to pick yourself up and find a new direction to go in.”
- Joelle Charbonneau
UPDATE!!!
Top 10 Things To Accomplish In December
1.) Go 2 weeks with NO MEAT (I have gone 11 days in Dec without meat, I need to do it 3 more times)
2.) Finish reading The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*%$(I’m on page 146 out of 200 – Determined to finish it, and I will!)
3.) Listen to 10 new podcast episodes (DONEEEEE)(Some of the podcasts I've been listening to lately have been Kneading Dough, Knuckleheads, The SHEI Effect, The Modern Momtrepreneur, and Sets For Life. Let me know some of your fav podcasts to subscribe to)
4.)Send at least 15 networking emails(7 Down – Now that Christmas is over I will flood peoples’ emails)
5.) Record 4 Podcast episodes(Recorded 3… 1 more to go)(If you haven't already... please subscribe to MY podcast, Best Ever Created)
6.) Write at least 4 blog posts (KILLED IT!!! COMPLETED)
7.) Go at least 7 days with NO SOCIAL MEDIA (5 days down, 2 days coming soon, maybe back to back)
8.) Explore a different part of the city(I've actually seen 2 new areas around here now)
9.) Find a new pair of basketball shoes(I haven’t found anything I have liked in the stores near me, but I will pull the trigger on a pair online that I have been eyeing.)
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10.) Get everyone’s Christmas gifts sent to the house (DONE!!!!)